The little cares that fret me…

Scary how caring gets the better of me. I seem to struggle with everyday stuff everyday. Guess this happens when you grow up in a home full of people minding everyone’s business all of the time and their own business some of the time.

Parents taught us (me n little sis) to put others before self. Something like love your relatives, neighbours, friends, acquaintances, local grocer, chemist, cobbler, sabjiwalla, autorickshaw wallas…….the list is close to infinite. If the world awaited us and our caring, how could we shirk away?!

So it came to be that on a lazy Sunday noon, R and I would patiently wait our turn at the local hair cutting saloon (that’s what they were called before becoming Hairstyling Salons) to trim our tresses and just when either of us were to climb the fateful revolving chair and don the black plastic cloak, the whiny pesky little boy standing right behind our mom would holler and mom would quickly hustle us out of the way and plonk the runny-nosed imp on the chair all the while smiling gleefully at the brat’s mother. “Its ok, let him sit…bechara” she would say indulgently. And would turn to us and mutter, “He has short hair, it will get done faster”. And we would watch the pest slyly look at our reflections in the mirror and smirk I could have punched him on his nose then n there but then all-pervasive forgiveness was another virtue worth dying for.

We soon realized that shying away from caring for or about or with others was as good as cold blooded murder. Dutiful daughters that we were, we were often asked to feel the pain of a neighbor’s dental cavity recently filled, understand the hardship of the obese girl in the post office who had to trudge with her thighs rubbing violently against each other, appreciate the mind behind the balding pate and get pecked on the cheek by pan-chewing aunties. Love overfloweth and we drinketh from it in gulps. Choke..gurgle…….

But it hasn’t been smothering all the way. Somehow caring for other people and bothering about their comfort and happiness over the years has become so ingrained…it no more feels like an extra effort. Yes, the tears flow easy and the heart gets bandaged often but its still ok. Thanks mom & dad. We’ll try n leave the world a better place.

Not too surprising that the F in INFP (of Myers-Briggs fame) come naturally to me. :)

Met her

I met her in the stairway. On my way down. I deliberately don't take the elevator from the 7th floor. The animated chatter of the co-employed, the smells of day-old deodorants, creased clothes, stares in your back...I detest them all. The routine inherent in the mobile steel enclosure kills me.

She was refreshingly unobstrusive unlike the rest of them. Did not look up, continued onwards fluidly. Almost felt as though we were meant to meet. Just the two of us. Design or destiny? Design, wasn't it? I had chosen to be there with her.
Felt good that I wasnt alone. They say dangerous stuff happens to lone women in lone stairways. Or is it dangeruos stuff happening to lone women?

Something about her seemed familiar. She was like someone you see often but never get acquainted with; the stranger never spoken to. I walked a little briskly to keep pace with her. She still did not turn nor did she bother to exchange a glance. I had had a normal day. The kind of day you have as an accomplished MBA in your late 20s working for a stable, reputed MNC. Its another day when youve chosen to live with mediocrity and wrung the last traces of idealism out of your life. When its all about precariously walking the rope to nowhere trying to justify to yourself in particular and the world in general that you havent been a 'failure'.

I spoke first. The greeting elicited a gracious smile. And I noticed her eyes. Sparkling with a genuineness I hadnt seen in awhile. So I decided to be a little bold and told her bout my day and that I had seen her around but hadnt spoken with her before. She looked at me and nodded. Well, it wasn't a dismissive nod so I continued. Told her about my work, the petty squabbles, the ego wars that were fought so mindlessly yet religiously and the home(?) I was returning to.
Id found a listener and a patient one at that! So I kept talking. Realised i was almost on the final landing leading out of the stairway and sheepishly told her that Id been impolite to have carried on a monologue without so much as asking her what her name was. It was strange that she had been content to listen for so long. No questions. No comments. I asked her again (wondering if she hadnt heard me). She looked right through me, smiled and didnt answer.Why was she so averse to conversation? And I had been so selfish to pour out!

I walked out as the evening sun seemed unsure of wanting to set over the city and the early moon stood waiting her turn. I thought we would part ways. But she seemed to linger. I secretly rejoiced. I wasn't alone anymore! I held her hand and purposefully dragged her along.

Silence and I were friends.

The Maggots (from The Descendants)

At sunset, on the river bank, Krishna
Loved her for the last time and left...

That night in her husband's arms, Radha felt
So dead that he asked, What is wrong,
Do you mind my kisses, love? And she said,
No, not at all, but thought, What is
It to the corpse if the maggots nip?

At the Family Court

At the Family Court
The lift wouldn't work
So they walked up
Four flights
Of stairs and passed
On the fourth landing
Two toilets, one marked,
For Judges only and one
For others. They used
The first though.
But no one charged
Them with contempt of Court.
Later, they sat in the hall
With some 20 others,
People come together
To be separated.
The four fans in the hall
Big as windmills
Breezed past
Their several lives.
Late in the noon
An attendant
Called out their names
And led them into a hall
Where the Judge
They met in the toilet said
They were no longer
Man and wife.

The more loving one

Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return?
If equal affection cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of stars that do not give a damn,
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly all day.

Were all stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

Kabhi yun bhi to ho
dariyaa kaa saahil ho, poore chaand ki raat ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yun bhi to ho
pariyon ki mahfil ho, koi tumhaari baat ho
aur tum aao


kabhi yun bhi to ho
ye naram mulaayam Thandi havaayen
jab ghar se tumhaare guzren, tumhaari Khushboo churaayen
mere ghar le aayen
kabhi yun bhi to ho

sooni har mahfil ho, koi naa mere saath ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yun bhi to ho

kabhi yun bhi to ho
ye baadal aisaa toot ke barse
mere dil ki tarah milne ko, tumhaara dil bhi tarse
tum niklo ghar se
kabhi yun bhi to ho

tanhaai ho, dil ho, boonde hoN barsaat ho aur tum aao
kabhi yuN bhi to ho
dariyaa kaa saahil ho, poore chaaNd ki raat ho
aur tum aao
kabhi yuN bhi to ho